


Fluttering Prophecy

by Bisqueits



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Neglect, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Parent-Child Relationship, Romantic Fluff, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bisqueits/pseuds/Bisqueits
Summary: What would have happened if Lord Asriel Belacqua hadn’t used Roger Parslow as fuel that night, what if he didn’t open a portal at all? Marisa Coulter was on her way to stop Asriel from crossing over to another world, yet there was no world to cross over to. Surprising enough, Lyra was on her way to stop him as well, not knowing that her dear friend had escaped.
Relationships: Lord Asriel & Stelmaria, Lord Asriel/Lyra Belacqua, Lord Asriel/Marisa Coulter, Lyra Belacqua & Marisa Coulter, Lyra Belacqua & Pantalaimon, Marisa Coulter & Madame Delamare, Marisa Coulter & Marisa Coulter's Daemon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I wanted to post my fic on AO3 too for a while so here it is! I regret writing a lot of the fanfic, but people seem to enjoy it and I am too emotionally attached to it to change it now, so here are a few heads up:  
> 1\. The Masriel relationship will evolve over time, don't worry;)  
> 2\. There will be parts where it is just cringe/ too much fluff, but that is because I started writing it quite some time ago and I can't make myself change it:)  
> 3\. I appreciate constructive criticism:)

* * *

_** Chapter 1: The Cost of a Family, Part 1 ** _

Roger had thankfully escaped the grasp of Lord Asriel and Stelmaria by an inch, running down the snow devoured mountain as fast as his little legs could hold, Salcillia flying above him in an owl form, trying to keep away from the leopard daemon which was pouncing towards her. They had made it quite far down the mountain and hid behind some boulders to catch their breaths.

"We made it… we have to tell Lyra…", he said. His breathing was short, for not only had he run miles, but he was at the top of the mountain, where the air was thin.

Lyra, on the other hand has also made her way up the mountain, where Roger was supposed to be. She was pleasantly surprised to see the cages open and empty, yet one sight made her freeze, as she took shelter behind a rock, staying hidden from what was happening in front of her. Just a little bit higher, Lord Asriel was pacing from side to side furiously, at the fact that his only chance to cross the border between worlds slipped out of his grasp, yet something else caught Lyra's attention. In front of him, Mrs Coulter was pondering about, talking to him. Her voice was melodic and angelic; come to think of it, she hadn't heard her feel so comfortable around anyone else really. He stood up and walked towards her, brushing the brown locks off her face as he grabbed her slim waist. She put her hands around his neck, as they rested their foreheads onto one another. Lyra watched, tilting her head to the side, making eye contact with Pan, as their daemons embraced in a way in which she hadn't seen daemons behave before.

"Asriel, what have we done?" she finally said, her voice slightly breaking as if she was about to shed tears, yet she composed herself back to her strong and independent self.

"If only I knew how to undo this, Marisa.", he replied in his coarse and deep voice, her head now resting on his shoulder.

"She hates me, Asriel…she hates Us." She stated, burying her face into his furs. She would have never thought that after all of these years, of having to stay away from her own daughter, she would get the chance to finally hold her in her arms again, to hug that little child that she carried for nine long months of her life, to take care of her; of course, that didn't work out to her advantage in the end, breaking her trust and losing her for what she thought might be forever. For once, Marisa couldn't hide her pain behind her well-constructed façade, so she let out a small gasp of air, followed by many tears, hurling down her face.

"Shh, shh. It's going to be alright, my love." Asriel spoke, shivers going down his spine, tears forming under his eyelids, at the sight of the love of his life breaking apart in front of him. She pulled her in tighter, their hearts a beat apart, and gave her a soft, gentle kiss. He ran his fingers through her hair, and with the corner of his eye, he saw Stelmaria gently licking the golden monkey's lustrous fur.

Marisa pulled away, staring into his deep grey eyes which she always appreciated, ever since they first met. Asriel rested his head on the side of her hair, taking in the sweet scent of lavender and peach perfume which was intoxicatingly pleasant.

"I still remember the first time I glanced at you… You were wearing that navy-blue dress with a mink-fur coat; we were both so young…" he said again, looking up at her tear-filled face.

"I miss those days; the days we would sneak around, trying not to get caught by…"

"By Edward?" he smirked.

"Asriel don't say his name, you know very well how much I dislike it when you say it…" she stated with a harsh voice, as if it was a warning.

"I'm sorry, truly." He said with a hint of sarcasm, "Marisa, I love you, you know that, right? I always have." He was telling the truth as he was leaning in closer to her.

"I know, Asriel. I love you as well." He pulled her into yet another kiss, this one more meaningful, and as they pulled apart, a glimpse of a person passed the corner of their eyes. Asriel had raised his rifle and Stelmaria had lifted herself from the monkey's arms unwillingly and had approached a powerful stance in front of the two adults. In the shadow, the figure of a child was visible. That figure had made its way into the light and to their surprise, it was Lyra, their daughter. Both of them almost broke down right in front of her, but they didn't, wanting to first see what she had to say.

"Uncle Asriel…Mrs Coulter…what's going on?" she said, as the two of them exchanged a sorrowful glance, "Why are the two of you here together?"Asriel signaled her to take a seat on the rock next to him, grabbing Mrs Coulter's hand in the process and allowing her to sit on his lap, as to not damped her coat.

"Lyra, we know you have a lot of questions, so you can begin asking, and if you have any doubts about the answer, you can consult the Alethiometer." Marisa finally said, laying her head on her lover's shoulder out of instinct, until she realized what that looked like.

"My question just changed all of a sudden… how do you know each other? I've been told that you rarely see each other at the Arctic Institute, yet this doesn't look like that." Lyra stated, raising an eyebrow out of suspicion, Pan now taking the shape of an Arctic fox, as to keep the cold out.

"Well," Asriel started speaking, "it started when we were both young and immature really, when we first saw each other. It was at a presentation hosted by a visiting scholar at Jordan, when I first saw your- "Asriel hesitated, "…Marisa. She was a sight for sore eyes- "Marisa gently slapped his hand which was slowly making its way across her back and gave him a serious glare. "Right, the point was that back then, we didn't know what we were doing, but we were in love…" he mentioned, looking at her lover with a caring and passionate glare in his eyes. She smiled back, gently, but a sad smile. "It happened over the course of a year, our…affair, but eventually, out of the blue, well…" he stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"I was pregnant, with Asriel's child," she said it subtly.

"You? Pregnant? When?" Lyra said, slightly confused at the fact that Mrs Coulter looked so young and was taken by surprise.

"The point is that I ended up having the child… a daughter… you, Lyra." She stated bluntly. If felt like thousands of little pieces of glass burst through each and single one of them. The daemons stopped their conversations and looked down slowly. Asriel glanced at Marisa, his fingers slowly running through her hair as she shed a tear in front of her own daughter. She never thought she would see her like this, or find out this way, but it happened, it can't be undone.

"How…how could you be so selfish as to not visit me? Did you even care?!" she yelled at her, throwing snow at both of their faces; they dodged it, but the intention was still sad to think about.

"Lyra, it was never your mother's fault, she only meant well, I was the one restricting her from visiting you, and that was my mistake. You grew up around males your entire life, I didn't notice how much the presence of a woman parental figure affected you- "he stated, but he saw the rage in his daughter's eyes.

"And you, my father, the only person that I truly cared about besides Roger, not only lied to me my whole life about my parents, but you purposely kept my own mother away from me?! Both of you should feel ashamed of your actions!" she stated clearly, glancing from one to the other.

"Trust me, we had 11 years to do that, darling," her mother began saying, for once actually crying, feeling too week to hold the tears back, "11 years, and not a day passed when I didn't think of you, Lyra, of us, what we could've done…" After saying that, the little girl found herself feeling sorry for her parents, both of them. It didn't take her long to shed tears of her own, falling right there in the snow, feeling overwhelmed.

"All this time…I dreamt of my parents- what they looked like, who they were," she stated, looking back up at them, "and as mad as I am at the two of you, you're both exactly what I've imagined; I understand, in a way…" she continued saying, and all the words that followed that shook all three of them sentimentally, to the very core of their souls.

"Lyra, my sweet and beautiful girl, we both care about you very deeply," her mother said, grabbing her arm and pulling her into a tight embrace, "and we know it will take time to forgive our actions, but please… don't erase us from your life."

"I know, and I won't; can we try to be a family? A true, family that is…?" the little girl said, her eyes holding back even more tears, "But you both have to promise me to stop this nonsense of a research, in which you sacrifice so many lives…" she mentioned, to which her parents looked at each other, interlacing their fingers.

"We promise," they said simultaneously. All three of them fell on the cold, damp snow, and didn't speak, as to not ruin the beautiful moment.


	2. The Cost of a Family, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! This chapter is quite short since it was previously part of the 1st chapter, but still, here you go:) Since I wrote them a while ago, I don't have any insights on how it was anymore, but I will from chapter 7 onward:) Also, sorry if there are any errors, I usually check for them but for these first chapters that I'm not working on anymore I'm just posting them.

_ **Chapter 2: The Cost of a Family, Part 2** _

They started walking down the mountain together, the sun slowly rising behind them. There were many problems to take care of; for one, Marisa had forgotten that she left Asriel's cabin surrounded by guards. Those guards obeyed her command, therefore she ordered them to stand down as they approached.

"Put your weapons down, gentlemen," Marisa said with a strong tune to her voice, glaring at them coldly.

"Mrs Coulter, we have strict orders to arrest and shoot Lord Asriel Belacqua on sight," one of the men said, possibly the commander which then immediately regretted his decision of speaking up.

"And _who_ gives those orders?" she replied with a serious glare in her eyes.

"You, ma'am…" the man replied, his wolf daemon backing up cowardly to which the man felt slightly embarrassed by.

"Very well, I'm glad we've established that. From now on, Lord Asriel will _not_ be an acquired target to you all, and he shall be in close proximity to you or _me_ at all times, understood?" Marisa stated, raising an eyebrow, the monkey now resting on her shoulder as to assert dominance.

The men nodded, now stepping aside as to create a pathway for the three of them to walk by. Lyra was always mesmerized by the power her mother had over other people, yet this encounter was significantly different, for the men were of a high status themselves, and armed.

* * *

They entered the cabin; everything was in place, meaning that father McPhail hadn't woken up from his 'unfortunate' event just yet. Upstairs, Thorold was looking warily out the window along with Roger, who made his way back through one of the hidden passageways he had found whilst exploring the place with Lyra the previous night.

There were loud thumps from their footsteps as they made their way up the stairs, startling the two people. Eventually, Thorold spoke.

"Asriel," he said, looking at him in disappointment, the little boy hiding behind him in fear. He didn't get to finish the sentence, for Lyra herself jumped in the conversation, "Roger, it's fine, I promise, we talked, _really_ talked this time, he's sorry…" she said.

"it's true, I am very fortunate to have someone bring me to my senses…I don't know what I was thinking, risking your life like that…" Asriel replied, looking at the child and watched the fear in his eyes slowly fade away.

They all made their way downstairs and sat down on the couches, explaining everything that had happened in detail, for the whole situation became quite confusing at first.

"So… what will happen next, to the _two_ of you?" Thorold asked, looking at Marisa and Asriel which seemed perfectly serious until you took a glance at their daemons, which had been rolling around each other for the past half an hour.

"Well," Marisa started speaking, "we promised Lyra we would work it out, no matter how difficult it will get at times," she said, turning her head as to meet her lover's face, which was smiling at her. She couldn't help but smile back, as they stared into each other's eyes, slowly detaching from the conversation and from the world even.

"I see," the man spoke, bringing their attention back to the present, "in that case, you have my blessings; there is one more problem to take care of though before we continue with these pleasantries," he stated, pointing at the body lying on the floor which began to shift. Everybody froze, yet Marisa stood up and started walking towards the man.

"wh.." the man mumbled as he looked up at the angelic figure above him.

"Father McPhail, I took matters into my own hands and I have called off the arms-men," she stated, "yet before you get any idea of threatening me or undoing this, remember how much respect you're going to lose from your fellow friends, because I am putting a stop to _this_ -… this ruthless project."

"Like I said before, Marisa, that man has changed you, he has softened you," he replied, trying to crack the so-called perfect woman's frame, yet she made sure that he didn't even get the chance.

"Oh, Hugh, don't get your hopes up, you will _never_ have what we have, and I'm sure you know it by now," she replied, escorting him outside of the cabin.

"Until next time, Mrs Coulter," he finally said.

Marisa gave him a cold smile in return, "please make sure father McPhail makes his way back to London in one of the zeppelins, and make sure that my project is called off _completely_ , will you?"

"Yes ma'am," the general replied.


	3. Problematic Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember that this chapter was one of the chapters I really enjoyed writing a while back:) Of course, the events are a little conventional but still. hope you guys have been doing good, and enjoy the fic!

_**Chapter 3: Problematic Feelings** _

Marisa went back inside, scanning the room for everyone else. She took her time to look around the place and saw that Lyra had gone back to bed and was accompanied by Roger, their daemons sleeping close by on a pillow. She herself took off her fur coat, laying it on one of the chairs by the entrance and lit the fireplace downstairs.

Asriel was looking over the railing from above and saw her sitting there, her figure casting a graceful shadow over the back wall. He made his way to her, Stelmaria's paws making soft sounds against the metal flooring. He poured himself a cup of Tokay and had poured her one too, sitting on the couch and extending the numbing drink to the woman. She turned her head around, glancing at the cup and gently grabbed it, her ruby nails clicking against the glass. They both took a long sip and placed the drink on the coffee table in front of them, which was filled with notebooks and sheets of paper from Asriel's research.

"Marisa…" Asriel spoke, breaking the silence which was occasionally accompanied by the crackling of the firewood. She merely glanced at him, and he could tell that she was lost in her thoughts, "Marisa, look at me," he said again, slowly grabbing the woman's palm, her silk soft skin rubbing against his as they interlaced their fingers.

She looked up at him, "Asriel, what if we can't do it," she finally said. The man was puzzled as to why she felt this way; she had always known exactly what she wanted and had never shown any kind of uncertainty in front of anyone, which in this case came as a surprise.

"What makes you say that? Marisa, I'm sure you remember but we worked it out in the past and-" he started saying, yet she interrupted him.

"Asriel, we have a child now…" she began explaining, "you know what happened the last time we tried to raise her…" she said, gritting her teeth as to not seem overly sentimental, yet it was a very sensitive topic to talk about between the two of them.

"Marisa… is that why you're feeling like this?" he said to which she nodded as he slowly put her arm around her waist and pulled her in his embrace, her head now laying on his chest.

Lyra had woken up from her sleep to get some water from downstairs, yet she saw her parents sitting on the couch together in front of the fireplace and decided to listen in on their conversation. She hadn't forgiven them completely, for they _did_ lie to her for _most of her life_ , especially her father, and they had both done some unforgivable actions, yet she realized that these wounds will eventually heal with time.

"I'm scared that I will be a bad mother," Marisa said, curling herself up under Asriel's arm.

He sighed and said after a while, "remember when Lyra was just born? You would never leave her side when you came to visit and would always cradle her and sing to her. Well, I think that is what a _good_ mother would do."

Marisa gave him a gentle smile, to which he smirked back, giving her a peck on the forehead. Lyra was now slowly making her way down the stairs, Pan flying next to her as a moth as to not make s lot of noise. The floorboard made a slight clank once she reached the metal part. Marisa and Asriel turned around to see their daughter standing there, in a pair of pajamas that her mother gave her. Lyra walked up to them, her parents making space in between themselves for her. The little girl huddled in between the two, her mother placing her palm over Lyra's head, Asriel putting his hand around both of them and pulling them into a tight hug. The fireplace sizzled in the background as they all stood there in the silence of their embrace.

"Mother, father," the girl said, sending warm feelings all throughout the two adults, which looked at each other with a gentle smile across their faces.

"Yes, Lyra?" her father replied.

"If we are going to be a," she hesitated for a second, for everything still seemed surreal, "a family, where are we going to live?" she inquired.

Marisa and Asriel glanced at one another, unsure of how to continue; that is when Thorold entered the room.

"Sorry to be disturbing, I was getting some water, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Don't you still have the manor, my Lord?" Thorold spoke. "Technically, it is still in your possession since the imprisonment law has been lifted," which made the adults realize that it is true, the Belacqua family manor was still his.

"Yes… you're right. Thank you, Thorold." Asriel replied while his friend left the room, now in deep thought of how they will organize the house when they leave the North. After that, Marisa took her hand and placed it on his cheek, as to reassure him that it will be fine and that he shouldn't stress. He found it quite surprising that she did that, for it was usually him that did it. He put his own hand over hers, both closing their eyes whilst hugging their daughter tightly.

"Well," Marisa finally said, "let's get you back to bed Lyra, come on, let's go," Lyra puffed out some air and stood up, her parents behind her. They started walking up the stairs to the room where she and Roger slept and watched their daughter tuck herself in bed.

"Goodnight," they said simultaneously, to which the little girl gave them a tired smile.

Marisa and Asriel made their way to their own bedroom, and they both felt oddly cordial sleeping under the same covers after such a long time. The woman shuffled to the side of the bed, feeling oddly guilty for her past actions, especially for what she used to do when _he_ was around; of course, they were older now, not really in appearances, but wiser. On the other side of the bed, Asriel felt the exact same exhilaration and happiness he always had whenever he was around her. He flipped to the other side and saw her give a long sigh, and with the corner of his eye, he glanced at the golden monkey that she was petting gracefully.

Asriel slowly and gently came closer to her, wrapping his hand over her waist and pulling her in close to him. He could tell she was surprised, yet she didn't move away either. Marisa seemed to have calmed down once she felt her lover's warm breath on her neck like she had many times before. He ran his fingers through her hair and could hear his own daemon purring at their feet. Marisa turned around to meet his face and stared into his grey eyes which she knew so well and pulled him into a soft, soothing kiss.


	4. Consciousness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (found a note I made when I wrote this chapter)
> 
> Hi everyone! chapter 4 was a shorter chapter which gave more insight on Marisa's feelings about the whole situation. With the current status we're in, I didn't want to wait a week until I posted another update because I know how boring it gets, and besides, I enjoy writing about my OTP! Enjoy, and reviews are very much appreciated for it helps me know what I did well on the story:)

_**Chapter 4: Consciousness** _

Asriel cradled her in his arms, holding her head with one hand whilst the other was laying around her helpless, sleeping figure. He had always loved looking at her when she was asleep for it was the one time when she looked at peace with herself. He shifted towards her even closer, whispering in her ear, "You know I love you, right?" and saw the woman's eyes flutter open, and slowly and surely, she buried her head deeper in his embrace. The silk sheets wrapped around their half-awake bodies, underlining the curves of both lovers.

It was nostalgic to share the same bed together after such a long time. Marisa hasn't had as many rendezvous as Asriel in the past years, yet when they did, they thought of each other. Every. Single. Time. From the very first day they met at the presentation held at the Arctic Institute, they both felt this attraction towards one another, a chemical imbalance that only the other person could help stabilize. Of course, they had a couple of problems back then that they had to take care of, primarily Edward. It felt almost too perfect, to be together in a cabin in the mountains, with no restrictions as to what they can do; except now, they had a child.

Stelmaria was holding the golden monkey in between her paws, making light purrs from time to time whilst Asriel was caressing Marisa's hand, occasionally pushing the brown, wavy locks off her face. They were both still tired from the previous night and hadn't heard or seen the door to their bedroom open. The little girl walked in carefully, Pan sitting on her shoulder in a mouse shape and stared at her parents for a few seconds, watching them smile and embrace. She found it quite mesmerizing how after so many years of being apart, they still loved each other. The monkey looked up and froze when he caught a glance of Lyra. Marisa felt a chill running down her spine, and she was sure it wasn't Asriel's hand. The woman turned around and saw her daughter standing there, holding her daemon which was now in an ermine form. She quickly pulled the sheets as to cover her chest and nudged Asriel's foot.

"M'risa… what is it?" he mumbled, his eyes still half closed.

"Good morning, _Lyra_ darling…" she said giving her usual gentle smile and accentuating on her name as to bring to her lover's attention that their daughter was standing there.

Asriel didn't seem to care as much as Marisa, wrapping his hand back around her waist and pulling the woman towards him. It was safe to say that both Lyra and her mother were shocked. The child had never seen his father be so… affectionate around anyone; he always saw him as this strong, independent person that could get whatever he wanted, come to think of it, that was her mother's behavior as well. On the other hand, Marisa felt mildly disrespected, for Asriel knew how much she hated not being in control of a situation, which is why he was smirking when she turned around.

"Oh, shut it," she told her lover, a smile escaping her. She was soon brought back to reality when she saw her child standing there, quite confused. "Right, Lyra, will you meet us downstairs for breakfast, please?" she told the girl with a sweet yet annoyed voice.

"Alright." She said leaving the room.

Marisa turned her head back to Asriel, giving him a disapproving glance. By now, he had woken up meaning that she could finally scold him properly for embarrassing her like that. As soon as she opened her mouth to speak though, he put a finger over her lips and pulled her into a hungry kiss. He broke it off sooner than she would've liked, and just stared at her cherry red lips.

"I know what you're about to say, but she needs to know that we're happy together; she's our daughter for God's sake, doesn't she deserve to know we are willing to do what it takes to be a family?" She was quite surprised with his answer, for Asriel rarely mentioned the Authority, and when he did, it was to make a quick-witted response. Overall, she was content for once.

They got out of bed, Marisa in her silk robe and Asriel in a plaid shirt that he threw onto himself. The children were already sitting at the table in the kitchen and were accompanied by Thorold who was making breakfast for them. The woman passed by them, smiling at everyone whilst she made herself a cup of coffee. She saw the golden monkey sitting on the side of her chair, staring at the two children's daemons. He reached out his paw and gently patted Pantalaimon on the head, Marisa feeling a sudden warmth throughout her body. She turned around only to see Lyra looking at her, grinning, to which she looked back amused. Once her coffee was brewed, she placed it gently on the table and sat on the chair in front of her daughter, Asriel taking a seat next to her.

The woman stared out the window behind the children and just took a deep breath, taking everything that was happening in. Not two days ago she was on a search to "kill" her lover, which on the contrary she would've _never_ done, and to find her missing daughter. Luckily for her, managed to find _herself_ in the process too. Whenever she would see her colleagues and friends throw their lives away for the well-being of their children she was stunned as to why someone would do that. It took her a long time to figure out that it was simply the joy and pride of parenthood which she had been lately experiencing. When Lyra came back into her life, she would've been ready to quit her job at the Church and move up in the mountains just so she could take care of her. Now, she didn't have to sacrifice her job nor her home.

Marisa was slightly startled when she felt Asriel's hand cover her own, breaking the concentration she was buried in, but she didn't show it. He simply grabbed and squeezed it tight to which if you looked closely enough, made her blush. She realized that they were all together, and happy for once. It would've been a dream come true for their _younger_ _selves_ to get married and to raise their child together, but what if their dreams have changed?


	5. Departing From The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Enjoy this new chapter! Sorry it took longer, but I wanted to focus more on the family's relationship in this chapter and alternate later (for this is a Masriel fanfic). I also have a Masriel one-shot in my drafts that I might finish- anyway, enjoy! (reviews are very much appreciated ^^)

_**Chapter 5: Departing From The Past** _

Lyra went for a walk and was accompanied by Iorek, riding through the icy cold morning breeze that engulfed the mountains. The previous night, the little boy, Roger had decided that it was best for him to return to Jordan College; of course, the girl told him that he could stay with her and her parents, to which Marisa and Asriel nodded uncomfortably.

It was one thing to take care of a child that was _theirs_ and another to take care of _two_ , one of which is an _orphan_ , meaning that they would've had to file for adoption, and to put it nicely with their past records, the court wouldn't have been too keen on allowing them. Thankfully for them, the boy declined the offer, yet told the family that they are welcome and encouraged to visit him at any given time.

With one less child around the small mountain-side cabin, things moved far more swiftly in terms of packing up Asriel's belongings, for neither Lyra nor Marisa really brought much of their own with them. The woman called the Cardinal and had asked him politely to bring her a private zeppelin which she could take along with the others to her apartment in London. Of course, she had to pull some strings, considering that she put a stop to her little "experiment" which had affected the Magisterium and her reputation. Nevertheless, her request had been accepted and a ride was set to arrive in the following twenty-four hours.

"Twenty-four hours?" Asriel inquired, "That's not a lot of time to pack…"

"I know, but at least we will have a safer and more comfortable way back to London," Marisa replied, wrapping her hands around her lover's chest from the back and laying her head on him.

"And then we get to go-" he paused, placing a paper-filled box on the floor and turning around, pulling her in close with one hand and lifting her chin up with the other, "home."

They both took a deep breath, for they had never lived together, except for when Marisa was writing her book many years ago, and even then it was for a short period of time. It was something unthought of, yet the best thing to do was to put it behind until they reached the manor.

He drew her in closer, hugging her until the woman went to turn on the radio, flicking through the channels. She stopped when the melodic sound of a piano started playing and grabbed Asriel's hand, swinging it from side to side.

He looked at her with a compassionate look in his eye, grabbing her waist as they swayed throughout the almost empty room. She gently placed her hands around his neck and kissed him vigorously, their bodies compressing against each other now being less than an inch apart.

They danced along the fir-wood floor, taking off their shoes in the process and gliding barefoot around the chamber. Asriel lifted Marisa, her legs swinging over his hips in the process and kissed the woman's jaw. She let out a giggle as he made his way down her neck, stopping at her shoulder and laying his head onto her bare skin. She tilted her head, now laying it onto his and running her fingers through his hair. Asriel felt strands of silky soft hair fall onto his face, taking in the sweet scent of fresh raspberries and lemon which accompanied it. He spun her in the air, them both laughing at the fact that they hadn't done that since they were young.

From the outside window, Lyra could be seen returning on Iorek's back. The child made her way to the door, yet was distracted by the sound of an instrument, a piano, perhaps. The child knew that her father didn't own a piano in that small cabin, for she had explored it all a while back. Lyra went up to the window above her, jumping high up and reaching for a little ledge under its frame.

The girl pulled herself up and almost fell back down when she saw her parents dancing in the empty room. She was pleasantly surprised to see them there together, their eyes interlocked onto one another. Pan was resting on her shoulder as a falcon, leaning in on the glass slowly, unaware that he accidentally pecked it causing a sharp sound to echo throughout the inside of the room.

Marisa and Asriel turned their heads and met their daughter's eyes, all three of them flinching for a second, before the adults ran to the window and opened it, slightly giggling at their silly daughter. The little girl was slightly embarrassed yet went inside the cabin to greet them properly. They all smiled at each other more or less, Asriel puffing out some air whilst wrapping his hand back around his lover's waist. The woman straightened her back slightly, placing her palm on Lyra's shoulder and guiding her to the balcony next to the saloon. In the distance beyond the fog, the zeppelin could be seen approaching slowly; it was probably due to arrive in the next hour or so.

After seeing that, everyone went their separate ways. Lyra went to the kitchen to steal some sweets that were left from the night before, only to be stopped by her mother telling her that 'it is not ladylike' to shove her face with candy all the time; for the record, she did manage to sneak one into her pocket before leaving for her bedroom.

Asriel had his own duties, going back into his office to finish packing the research papers that were still scattered along his desk. Half of the time, he had no idea where those papers went, for he was quite disorganized. He also knew that once they would reach the Manor, Marisa would take time in ordering all of his papers; it was a habit of hers to keep everything under control as much as possible, even if that meant reorganizing his research system.

As for Marisa herself, she had decided to go upstairs and take a bath before departing, for she needed the time away from her… family. It was quite hard to take in what had happened during the past week, especially her relationship with her daemon. Lately, he has been quite sympathetic towards her, occasionally rubbing his head against her foot. Of course, it came out as a surprise for the woman, yet she appreciated the fact that their bond was improving. It was very odd to stroke his golden fur after such a long time, yet oddly therapeutic.

She was sitting there, in the lavender bubble bath, trying to succumb to her feelings by taking frequent sips from her dull champagne. She placed the glass on a silver tray beside the tub and submerged her head carefully under the lukewarm water, gently pinching her nose in the process.

Marisa rose from underneath the bubble layer; eyes slightly burning from the foam and washed her hair slowly. It was only after she got into her silk robe when Asriel came in, leaning on the doorframe, telling her that the zeppelin was about to arrive. He couldn't help but linger around the bathroom for longer, the intoxicating smell of the room and of his lover's hair being irresistible. The woman made sure that he wouldn't distract her, so she politely closed the sliding door and returned to drying her hair.

They all changed into appropriate clothing, Marisa in a knee-length golden dress with a beige fur coat on top, Lyra in a pair of overalls and a similar coat and Asriel in a checkered shirt with a grey parka. Along with Thorold they embarked the zeppelin, the servants grabbing their luggage in the process. The little girl went inside the luxurious airship, making herself comfortable next to one of the windows whilst her parents sat beside her at a table. All the other passengers on board either made their way to the staff-quarters or to the very back of the chamber, allowing the family to have complete privacy for the duration of the trip.


	6. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the delayed chapter, I was contemplating writing smaller chapters, but decided against it for now since I wanted to attempt to write longer chapters, so from now on it will be worth the wait. I was going to write about Marisa's issues and her mental state anyway, but I also wanted to include conversations with her mother, hence the italics. So yes, whenever you see italics in paragraphs, it's a flashback. Thank you all so much for reading this fic!

**_Chapter 6: Memories_ **

Lyra stared out the window, now flying swiftly above the mountains in Lapland. A snowstorm was impending, meaning that the zeppelin might endure harsher winds over the course of the trip, with a risk of having to land at some point. As older scholars, Marisa and Asriel were well aware of the current weather situation and tried to make the most of their time aboard the ship. The fact that they were travelling as a family was quite hard to wrap their heads around. They tried ignoring their sentiments, yet it was hard denying their current feeling of guilt; the guilt of not attempting to take care of their daughter earlier on, even after Edward had passed.

Before his death, the two of them had planned to run away to Asriel's family manor near the countryside and raise Lyra there, away from the judgement of their parents or the press. Their plan was for Marisa to divorce Edward, after the presumed "death" of their child. She told him that she had a miscarriage, meaning that after such terrible news, the burden of a separation would break the man even further, giving her the upper hand.

Sadly, it did not work out, when one of the love-letters in between them was found by Caroline, their former housekeeper, which informed Edward about their affair, and the longevity it had before he found out.

Ever since the trial, Marisa had a recurring dream, a nightmare so to speak, where she endures the pain of losing her daughter and lover over, and over, and over again; the words her mother told her the night the affair went public flooding her thoughts.

" _Marisa, you're an embarrassment to this family," her mother stated, and as usual, all she could do was to accept what she had said, whilst her heart drowned in the pain she felt._

" _You think that man truly loved you? You're pathetic. Can't you see, darling, that he only used you in order to set shame upon this family? And to kill that… that other equally pathetic man you have wedded. Look where that has gotten him," she continued, her daughter having to endure the guilt all over again._

_She bit her tongue so as to not give her the satisfaction of a reply, yet her feelings were far too provocative._

" _But …he said that he-"she began saying, now sobbing as her mother continued to scold her for her immature behavior._

" _What? That he loved you? Grow up, Marisa. That man feels nothing for you; you're nothing to him."_

_Those words pushed the line, and she had let her guard down, the thoughts penetrating her mind as her own._

" _You have become worse than your brother, Marisa. And I believe that-"_

She woke up to the feeling of a nudge on her shoulder; apparently, Asriel had been sleeping as well, his head resting on her shoulder lightly. That brought her back to her senses, as she placed a hand on his head ever so gently. It was better that the dream ended earlier than usual; if she had slept until the end, she would have woken up crying. _Pathetic_. Her mother's words still lingering in her mind.

She had kept her distance from her family for years, yet she always wanted to go back, to confront her. She would _never_ let her mother have the last word; she didn't deserve it. She sighed deeply, waking her lover up, not intentionally of course.

Asriel lifted his head, rubbing his eyes slightly and continuing his work as if nothing happened. It didn't take long for him to turn his head back at her, gazing into her light blue eyes, filled with confusion and pain. To anyone else, she would've seemed perfectly content and focused, but he had studied her behavior for many years, and could read her face as well as, if not better, than she could herself. Another clue to her feelings was… her monkey. She was holding him on her lap, stroking his golden fur subtly.

The woman raised her hand and placed two fingers on her temple, clenching her jaw, "a migraine, I presume?" Asriel asked, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

She didn't give him a cynical response as usual, instead took her time to sip some coffee, for the tea she had earlier seemed to not have had any effect on the headache she was battling, "Yes, and a dreadful one to say the least."

"Did I give you that headache? Surely, I'm not _that_ irritating."

"No... it's fine," she said, turning her head away from him, now looking out the window.

"It doesn't seem like it, did you have any other disturbances?"

"No." she lied. Of course she did, as much as she loved him she couldn't tell him. His gaze was still on her, not leaving her eyes and raising an eyebrow slightly as if he already knew.

"Yes," she said after a while.

"Marisa, what happened?" he spoke.

" _You have become worse than your brother, Marisa. And I believe that I should do something about it." Do something? What was she going to do? She can't be talking about…_

" _I want you to tell that man that it is over."_

" _But, mother- "_

" _Now. I can't believe I raised such a hopeless, gullible girl."_

" _No," she spoke, the room going silent, "I won't do it, I won't obey your orders like a cowardly dog anymore."_

" _Very well then, I'll do it myself if you think that you're so brave for denying me," her mother said, snapping her fingers to which Marcel stood up and grabbed his sister's hands, holding them tight against her back._

" _Mother, please- "she cried._

" _Marisa, calm down, it will be fine," her brother said._

" _No, please! You don't know him! I am begging you mother don't- "she screamed, her brother pulling her into a tight hug, trying to make it seem affectionate instead of dominant._

" _Begging is for the weak. Surely, I've taught you that darling," her mother spoke, leaving the house and her daughter crying on the floor, breaking down like a fragile piece of glass._

"Marisa," she heard a murmur. Asriel was looking at her concerned, his hand laying on her thigh. She glanced behind him at Lyra, who was sleeping soundly with Pan in her arms.

"Am I just imagining that we could be a family, Asriel?" she whispered.

"What?" he spoke, his face puzzled with confusion.

"Do you truly want us to be a family?"

"Marisa, what type of question is that?" he scoffed, yet saw that she wasn't smiling, instead a single teardrop fell down her face, wiping it quickly as for no one to notice.

"The first night I saw you, I couldn't take my eyes off of you; how can someone be as smart and as equally beautiful as yourself? Marisa, I was ready to throw my whole future away for you after Lyra was born, and I _will_ do it again. For us."

"I- "she began saying, shaking her head slowly. He grabbed her chin and lifted it to meet his eyes and pulled her into a soft kiss. She placed his hand over his, pulling him in closer, butterflies fluttering in her stomach like the first time she kissed him.

She pulled away from the kiss, leaving him craving for more. Marisa stood up, yet before she could walk away from the table, Asriel grabbed her wrist, tugging her back into his arms. Her body coiled in his embrace, she laid her head on his chest and started sobbing slowly.

"Not here, please…" she whispered, to which he nodded, interlacing their fingers and making their way to the terrace at the back of the zeppelin.

Taking in the fresh, mountainous breeze, she seemed to have relaxed immediately, her lover's arms grasping her waist from the back. She tilted her head, Asriel giving her a small peck on the forehead.

"It is not often that you see Marisa Coulter cry," he stated the obvious, "What actually happened, love?" he said, burying his face in her collarbone.

"Well, there usually isn't something to cry about…" she replied, "it's just a silly dream…"

"Dream, or nightmare?" he said, and he felt her tighten under his grip.

"What happens, in your dream?"

"Well…" she began, "Do you remember the night that Edward… passed?" He nodded into her neck.

"I just can't help but imagine what my life would be like if," Marisa hesitated, "If you and Lyra weren't so lucky," she said gasping slightly, taking both herself and Asriel by surprise.

"It's alright, we're both here…"he tried calming her down, swooping a kiss on her neck, shivers going down her spine.

"But what if you won't be…" she whispered.

"What do you mean by that? Surely you can't mean- "and as soon as he said that, she started sobbing again.

"For the love of the Authority, Marisa, you've been overly emotional since we came back together," he told her, tension bubbling in the tips of her fingers.

"We have a daughter now, Asriel!" she scoffed, "It's not the two of us anymore, as much as I would've liked… Do you just expect life to go back to how it was when Lyra was an infant?!" she said, her tone increasing by the minute.

"You've always loved disputing with me, haven't you?" he smirked, and she slapped him right there and then, her palm stinging almost as much as his face from the contact.

He turned her around, eyes facing him now and instead of arguing he pulled her into a tight hug, a hand grasping her waist whilst the other rested on the back of her head. Her arms tangled around his neck out of habit, but neither seemed to mind it. They hugged out the pain and confusion, Asriel eventually pulling away from the embrace, cupping her cheek in the process.

"I do hate how you manipulate me like this…" she eventually spoke.

"Marisa, I might not show it much, but I am aware of the situation we're in. Hell, if we managed to live life properly after the first time our feelings got involved, I'm sure that we could do it again. And Lyra isn't an infant anymore, love. She can manage herself; she doesn't depend on us all the time anymore."

All Marisa did in response was to nod, her face burying deeper into his chest, the warmth he was giving off comforting the hurtful feelings she was experiencing.

"Let us get back inside, the storm is catching onto us, and we both know that the last place we should be in during this time is outside a zeppelin. If the altitude didn't already make us prone to injury, standing outside when it is thundering surely will," Asriel said, resting his hand on her waist and guiding her back towards the door.

"Asriel," she breathed.

"Yes?"

"Nothing…" she finally replied, shaking her head as if she was trying to get rid of that thought, "Let's go back inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW that took so long to write, and not because I can't write longer chapters, this is still quite short, but I have been stuck for literal WEEKS trying to evolve the plot. I have rewritten this chapter around seven times probably, and don't worry, all of those ideas didn't go to waste, I'm just saving them for later in the story;)
> 
> Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I just scanned through it and posted it.


	7. All Of The Pain In The World Couldn't Keep Me Away From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marisa, Asriel and Lyra finally arrive at Marisa's flat in London, and whilst little Lyra is away, the adults have a conversation regarding the past, present, and future of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update it, life has been busy lately and I didn't have much inspiration or motivation to write, but here it is, the long awaited chapter 7!

_ Chapter 7: All Of The Pain In The World Couldn't Keep Me Away From You _

Back inside the zeppelin, Lyra was still sleeping by the window, head slowly sliding off its frame, Pan curled around her neck in a little mouse form. When they saw their daughter sleeping so soundly, they couldn’t help but think back to the days when they would spend hours in the nursery, taking care of her whilst the Costa woman was away attending to her own children.

Maybe it was a motherly instinct, or maybe it was just the fact that she cared for her daughter that she went up to her and shifted her body, now laying it on her own. Marisa wrapped a hand around the little girl, her nose scrunching from her touch, and she started to hum in her ear a song she remembered from when she was younger.

Lyra would usually never allow someone to lull her like this, but that gentle voice and her silk soft palms running across her cheeks made her succumb into this calm, warm feeling.

Asriel was watching from a distance at how carefully Marisa was handling the little girl, as if she was made out of glass, about to crack at any second. The last time he ever saw her act like this was when Lyra was still an infant, unable to take care of herself.

He decided to not dwell on it for long and to give them some privacy, sitting back on the padded bench and shuffling to where Marisa was sleeping previously, the rosy scent from her perfume still

lingering on the leather. He fell back into a deep trance and let his mind drift away.

_It was another ludicrous party Asriel had to attend, not for recreational purposes of course, but he did need the funds to continue with his research. He began studying experimental theology and had recently gotten quite submerged in the topic, finding the research of Boris Rusakov and his particle theory oddly fascinating._

_He arrived at the party quite underdressed, wearing a plaid shirt, covered by a worn-down sweater, but his daemon made his presence all more powerful, her silver fur glistening in the naphtha lighting. He made his way to a table filled with scholars that he knew wouldn't be able to say no to his demands -especially now that he has gotten so close to a breakthrough-_ _and began explaining his newest thesis._

_“So, the particles are simply not visible to the human eye, though there are machines which can help identify the quantity of the matter.”_

_“Are you certain that this discovery would help the overall scientific matter, Lord Asriel, or is it another one of your plans to avert from the lack of results from your previous experiments?” one of the men said._

_“I can assure you that there will be results, sir. You see, I’ve developed a machinery of my own which can read these particles, and quite frankly I believe that they are Dust.”_

_All of the scholar’s smiles faded away, instead a flustered look overcame them._

_  
  
“That’s absurd,” one of them scoffed, “We aren’t even certain that Dust truly exists, let alone have a way to prove that Rusakov discovered the particles himself,” he began explaining, yet his childish ideas were diminished by a clear, soft voice._

_  
“As much as I’d like to agree with you gentlemen, I myself have dived into experimental theology and can confirm that… I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch your name?” the woman said._

_“Lord Asriel Belacqua, theologian at Jordan,” Asriel replied, slightly amused of how this woman had just showed up out of the blue and entered the conversation as if it were your usual chit-chat._

_“Well, Lord Belacqua, I can confirm that your hypothesis is plausible, given the results I have gotten on my own,” She spoke, leaving everyone, especially Asriel utterly speechless._

_Stelmaria caught a glimpse of her daemon, a golden monkey, perched on her shoulder, casually glancing around at the other guests._

_The leopard’s ears suddenly lifted out of curiosity, as the monkey slowly raised his palm, soon enough to be interrupted by a puff of air the woman gave, pulling it back obnoxiously quick._

_Asriel’s eyes met hers, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth, her face replicating his expression._

_“Forgive me for asking, but how does a… well… “he began saying when she giggled, catching both herself and him by surprise._

_“A woman, you mean?” she replied, Asriel giving a reassuring nod in response, “Well, you see Lord Belacqua, I’m no ordinary woman.”_

_“Believe me, I’ve noticed,” he mentioned._

_“I’m a scholar myself, at St. Sophia’s College, I assume you’ve heard of it?”_

_“Ah,” he said, as if the lines finally connected._

_  
“So, Rusakov Particles. What I find most fascinating is that us as humans cannot see these particles with the naked eye… of course, you have made some advancements in this field if I understood correctly?”_

_“Indeed, I have taken photograms of them. The silver nitrate emulsion used for the film was of no use, until I changed the… well, you’ll just have to listen to my presentation,” he said, the woman puffing of air._

_“I shall look forward to it then, Lord Belacqua.”_

_“Please, call me Asriel.”_

_“Asriel,” she whispered to herself, a soft smile spreading along her face._

_“I will be looking forward to seeing you around, miss?”_

_“Marisa,” she hesitated, turning her back and walking away gracefully, as if she was merely a snowflake or a feather making her way to the seats in front of the podium._

_“Marisa,” her name rolled off his tongue, imprinting in his thoughts._

He woke up, a strange sensation overwhelming him. He was dreaming; it felt oddly real though.

After regaining some consciousness, he stood up only to be knocked back onto the seat. _Turbulence_ , He thought to himself. Almost out of reflex he glanced at Marisa to see it she was alright only to see her cradling Lyra in her arms. He couldn't help but smile, cautiously making his way to the bench that she was sitting on. 

"Is she still sleeping?", he said, the woman nodding in reply.

"I forgot how much I missed holding her..." she replied, almost whispering. 

"And I forgot how much I missed seeing you happy," he told her, to which she turned her face towards him.

"Asriel," she said slightly annoyed, yet her smile broke through her tough facade. _Seems as if she forgot how to tolerate you,_ Stelmaria thought to him. 

"Oh stop it, it's not as if you dislike it," he chuckled, swatting his daemon's nose, Marisa raising an eyebrow at the gesture. The leopard made its way next to the golden monkey, curling her tail around his figure, the woman allowing her daemon to give into these feelings for once. 

A ping broke the silence:

" _We have arrived at the London Aërodock; it is currently 2:34 pm and the weather seems to be 14° and cloudy,_ " said the voice through the speakers, continuing with more information that neither Asriel or Marisa cared to listen to.

The loud noise from the engine and the fluttering of people about in the servant's cabin below woke Lyra up. She was quite startled at first, realising that her mother was holding her, yet the calm humming of a folk-song relaxed her.

"M-mother... have we arrived yet?" she asked sleepily.

"Yes darling, we have. Now come on, we have to take the car to the apartment," her mother told her, the girl almost crawling on the floor from how tired she was. 

"Come on now Lyra, the car is waiting outside," Asriel said.

After quite a long drive, they reached the building, memories flooding the little girl's thoughts. She could tell that her mother wasn't feeling very comfortable with this situation either, knowing that her daughter ran away after finding out about the whole Asriel dilemma... but nevertheless, they had to move on.

Marisa was the first one to enter the building, putting in the code for the elevator to which the doors opened exposing the golden walls inside. The family entered the escalator, now slowly making their way up to Marisa's penthouse.

The bell dinged, alarming the housekeepers that she has arrived, but they paid no more attention to it than needed, merely glancing at the other two guests and continuing with their work.

Marisa's heels clicked against the marble floor, Asriel and Lyra cautiously walking behind her. 

"Goodness...", the woman whispered to herself.

"What happened?" Asriel said, slightly focusing on finding her lover's room in the apartment for... various reasons.

"Nothing, just a migraine..." she said, clutching the countertop in the kitchen. "I will make some tea, would you like any?"

"Chai, please," he said.

"Can I get a cup too?" Lyra blurted out, to which her mother raised an eyebrow.

She groaned, " _May I have a cup as well_?" she corrected herself and saw the woman feel quite content with her daughter's progress regarding her vocabulary.

"Yes, you _may_ ," she replied, now focusing on brewing the tea herself since she dismissed the cook a few minutes earlier.

Asriel took this opportunity to look around the flat, analysing every single detail like his daughter once did. He made sure that whenever he opened a door it wouldn't make much sound, creeping his head into the opening of each one, until a certain room caught his attention. Inside there was a large bed filled with silk and satin sheets, a vanity filled with jewellery, a closet bursting with clothes; he found Marisa's room.

He entered the room, Stelmaria jumping on the bed, rolling on the covers and purring slightly. He started going about the chamber, until he came across a locked, wooden box perched on her vanity. He knew that Marisa wasn't really the type to leave her possessions out for everyone to see, but the oddly shaped key hole caught his attention.   
  
"Where have I seen this shape before?" he muttered, and all of a sudden it clicked. The shape could easily be found in Marisa's necklace, and with his luck, it's the one which she never takes off.

"Asriel, don't." Stelmaria told him.

"It will be fine Stel, I'm going to ask her _politely_ to open it."

"Something tells me you haven't quite figured out the meaning of being _polite_ ," his daemon said eventually.

He grabbed the box in his hands and made his way back in the kitchen. Lyra was no where around so he assumed she just went to her room, Marisa however had gone onto the terrace, now sitting on one of the lounge-chairs.

Asriel went up behind her, brushing the hair from her shoulders and gently pressing a kiss on her neck.

"What are you reading, love?" 

"I'm going over some notes from the study in Bolvangar... I'm trying not to think about what will happen once Father MacPhail tells the Cardinal that I resigned from the project. Honestly, I can't possibly-" she stopped when she noticed the box in his hands. "Where did you find that?"

"I," he sighed, "It was in your bedroom, I didn't mean to take it, but I've always wondered why you wear that necklace everywhere, and now I know," he replied, pointing at the shape which fit in the opening.

"Asriel, I'd rather not," she started saying, but he interrupted her.

"Marisa, love, nothing in that box will change a thing," he told her, pressing yet another kiss, this one on her shoulder.

"Alright," she spoke, grabbing the box and slowly and cautiously opening it. Inside it were photograms of Lyra, their daughter.

"You kept these?" he asked her, the woman inhaling deeply.

"It appears I did, doesn't it? I couldn't bring myself to throw them away, so I stored them in this box. If my mother ever opened it she would've been furious with me, _throwing away my future for that man and child_ , she used to tell me."

"I thought that whenever I sent you these photos you there them away," he told her, getting sentimental over the fact that she _cares_ for once.

He grabbed her palm, now rubbing his thumb along it. It never occurred to him in the past how hard it was for her to abandon her daughter; for all he knew, she just wanted to punish him for conceiving her in the first place.

"I know it's silly of me, but... I kept this too," she said, now reaching under all of the papers, grabbing a silver, polished ring.

"I thought I lost this many years ago... you, kept it?" he told her, now grabbing the ring into his own hands, examining the bejewelled accessory which once lay around her lover's finger.

"I found it in the manor before the trial, when they asked me to take my belongings from your home..."

"Marisa," he breathed, now forcing her to face him, grabbing her chin and pulling it down so their eyes could meet.

"It was never my choice to leave, Asriel," she said, breath quickening at the thought of losing control of her emotions once again.

"I know. I know." He cupped her cheek and kissed her softly as to calm her down.

He then proceeded to take the ring from the box as if Marisa wouldn't noticed, yet she was always looking when everyone thought she wasn't. _A trait we share, if you ask me,_ her daemon thought to her, only for his remark to be met with a stern look.

Her longing-ness for him became inevitable lately, not being able to neglect his affection, instead finding comfort in her fingers running through his golden fur after such a long time. Of course, she tried not to show it much around Asriel let alone Lyra, wanting to keep some sort of _composure_ in front of them, _dominance_ , if you will. She feared change ever since she was young, not wanting her daemon to settle, her mother to enrol her to a boarding school, to get married; it was always too much, thus drifting apart from the only side of her that had any sort of compassion left. 

"The sun is setting," he said soon after, grabbing her palm and pulling her from the fold of the chair into him arms. She tiredly sat up and sank into his embrace, allowing him to carry her to the bedroom. He placed her on the bed, limbs sprawled across the soft duvet only to be retracted, knees compressed against her chest.

Asriel turned off the light, tucking Marisa under the blanket and smoothening it over her fragile physique, Stelmaria resting at her back, silky fur gliding across her equally soft skin. Shivers crawled down her spine from the contact, she then turned to face the daemon, pulling it into a tight embrace whilst running her nails through her fur. Asriel grunted at the feeling, clenching the covers into his fists before grabbing her lover's own daemon; he knew very well how much she hated when he did that, teasing her by slowly stroking his head, but he had to compensate her actions in some way.

  
"Asriel!" she protested.

"What's the matter, love?" he replied, the monkey squirming under his touch, gradually succumbing to the soft strokes he was given.

"I-" she sighed, still conflicted about how he managed to charm her so easily, yet again, he knows her better than herself.

Their flirtatious play ended after Marisa untangled her arms from the leopard's figure, now hugging the blanket close to her chest, back turned to Asriel.

It was of no use to annoy her much further, placing the golden monkey back down whilst undoing his garments before sliding under the covers next to her. They had gotten used to sleeping together again, of course, it was less feral than in their _previous_ encounters, but nevertheless they enjoyed each other's company.

The warmth given off his chest relaxed the woman, now burying her face into his shoulder, arm surrounding her waist. He ran his lips across her jawline which only made herself press closer against his body as his hand came up to cup her head.

"Goodnight Marisa, I love you," he whispered once he thought she fell asleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

  
Even half lidded and exhausted, his words still ran circles around her mind, "Hm," she hummed reciprocating his feelings. She remembered the first time when she spoke those words, and the pain she felt when they were said, knowing that they could never truly be together, yet here they were now, huddled into a symphony of warmth and racing heartbeats. 

But it was still too soon, too soon to admit their everlasting affection and ache for one another; surely, they've said _I love you_ to one another before, but most often it was just out of habit. The only times when they _truly_ meant them were once when they were still young, right after Edward was shot, and more recently up on the mountains. To be completely honest, them trying to continue their relationship from where it last left off proved to be harder than expected, especially with Lyra in the picture. Even after years of spending time apart, breaking whatever bond was left of their relationship, they still clung tightly to each other at the first chance they had to be together.

"Mother?" Lyra's voice broke the silence, door slowly creeping open letting a streak of light from the corridor illuminate the bed.

"She's asleep," Asriel whispered, still holding on to Marisa's feeble little figure; she always looked so innocent whilst asleep. "What's the matter?"

"I... I couldn't sleep," she said timidly, not wanting to intrude on them. Asriel's hand lifted from her waist, signaling the girl to come inside and to lie by Marisa's side. 

She cautiously slipped under the covers, rolling to the side of the bed, nudging Marisa's foot by accident.

"...'sriel?" she hummed half asleep.

"Shh. It's alright, love," he spoke, caressing her back slowly as you would do to a newborn failing to fall asleep. She sighed at the touch, compressing herself closer against his chest.

Lyra watched curiously at the affection her father was showing, half surprised by how gentle he was acting around her mother. She had never seen him act as such around anyone else really, so it came as quite a shock to see him care so much about a person. Then again, he did care about _her_ , although he failed to show it, yet that was good enough for Lyra. She finally had the parents she had always wanted, the family she always dreamed of.

As midnight approached, she couldn't help but think that if she was never wanted at all, they could've easily gotten rid of her...

_Seems they care about us more than we imagined_ , Pan thought to her. 

_It seems so_ , she thought to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading it! if you have any feedback, please do comment:) Have a great Friday!


	8. If Sins Could be Erased, the World Would be Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asriel and Marisa face a small dilemma regarding how to proceed with this, whilst the Magisterium decides how to continue as well.

**_ If Sins Could be Erased, the World Would be Rebirth _ **

She awoke at the sound of something clattering against the floor; the golden monkey had risen from his previous instalment in between the snow leopard's paws, now frozen in fear upon the marble coffee table. He had apparently knocked over a book Asriel was reading the day before about Anbaricity and how it affects the Maystadt Anbaric scalpel. Nevertheless, the sound from the impact of the hardcover book against the wooden flooring made enough noise to wake her up. Her glare could kill a man, in more ways than one.

The monkey placed its tail in between its back feet cowardly, a sight which made Marisa scoff irritatedly. _Weak,_ she thought to him. She knew that once awake, there was no way she could fall back asleep, a lesson learned over many years of torturous nights spent alone. 

It took her a few seconds to realise what was going on around her, head dizzy from when she pushed herself upwards. On one side, her daughter was sleeping silently, curled up into a little ball with her daemon clutched to her chest, and _oh_ , how her heart melted at the sight. Marisa gazed upon her sleeping child, and couldn't restrain from stroking her chestnut hair, running her fingers down her forehead and resting her thumb upon her blooming cheeks. The way her life now revolved around _her_ , a child she bore from a young age, one which she pushed away when her feelings became unbearably strong, now clinging for dear life to the little ermine in between her limbs.

Resting her hand back along the mattress, she felt an absence, warmth residing from the duvet. Slight disappointment fluttered within her chest, raising her head only to share a glance with the monkey, who was now slowly returning towards the bed, yet averted at the last second. His little black feet crawled towards the window, making its way behind a dark figure, shivers erupting uncontrollably down her own spine. 

_Of course_ , she thought, _couldn't resist to make a lovable fool out of me_. 

Marisa took her time to stand up against the rim of the bed, putting on her nightgown carefully as to not wake Lyra up, and made her way cautiously towards the person standing by the window. She wanted to say something, but stopped herself when she heard the rustle of the duvet in the background.

"She's a heavy sleeper," Asriel finally said. 

"Hm," she smiled faintly.

"What's wrong, love? Why are you awake at this hour?"

She slowly turned her head towards the clock which read four in the morning. "Trust me, if I could, I would've fallen back asleep already."

"I figured. He woke you up, didn't he?" gesturing to the monkey, gently stroking the top of his head.

"Unfortunately," she glared his way. _You're lucky that we aren't alone, you know that right?_ she thought to him.

"I just asked him to bring me a book, although that took quite the turn," he chuckled softly. 

Rolling her eyes was the least she wanted to do when he made comments like those. Her daemon understood that she wasn't really in the right mindset for _this_ , so he complied to her and pranced towards the bed and back into the snow leopard's embrace. Marisa turned around, and bent down next to the marble table to retrieve the fallen book, running her thumb across the dents made from what was now years of never-ending studies. 

"Why are _you_ awake?" she asked. 

He took his time, drank a sip of tea from what she could tell, and gestured to the door before walking out himself. _The balcony_ , the monkey thought to her. Making her way down the dimly lit corridor, she stopped by the kitchen to make herself a chocolatl beverage, for either coffee nor tea would suit her well at this hour.

Feet gliding across the floor, she made it to the edge where the door to the balcony met the marble, stepping cautiously over the edge. The brisk air hit her face rapidly, making her clutch her arms and her daemon close to her chest. Her lover was standing by the edge, blanket draped over his shoulders, cup in one hand whilst the other rested in the pocket of his jeans which he put on his way here.

"Come here," he told her after noticing her presence.

Marisa walked up to him, Asriel lifting his arm up so she could rest in his embrace, covering her fragile body with the woollen blanket. His metallic scent had already left its mark on the fabric alongside the cologne she picked out herself for him, albeit similar to his old one. 

“Thank you, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“...I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” he said briskly. 

“I already knew that; but why are you awake _now_?” she asked once more.

He scoffed, “I needed time to process what has been going on.” 

“Hm,” she hummed in agreement.

“Love, I know that both you and I will try our best, but I have my doubts that things will work out.”

“I understand." 

"I know you do."

And she was glad that she did. She often missed such conversations with him, the ones where she knew nobody else in the world would understand. So many years spent alone, there was nobody to talk about such things with anymore, and she wasn’t going to break the wall she created in between her and her daemon for this. Even back then, they didn’t really share much, at least not until they had Lyra; most of their conversations resided in lovable comments or theological queries, as she was scared that her feelings for him would become too real, so real that she would leave behind all that she had worked so hard for; truthfully, in the end, she did. Marisa always regretted those choices, but at least she was on a new path now, with Asriel and Lyra. Together once more.

* * *

"I know you understand, your Eminence, but Mrs Coulter has simply just shut down her existing project and Authority knows where she is by now-" MacPhail said, his patience growing thinner and thinner with that woman.

"She's in London," the Cardinal replied.

"London? If you don't mind me asking, where have you received such notion from?"

"MacPhail, I think you know by now that the Magisterium is quite resourceful, so need I continue?"

"No, your Eminence. Pardon me for questioning you."

"And in addition, she took one of our zeppelins back there."

"Back to London?"

"To her apartment to be precise, alongside Belacqua and their child."

"She came back with the bastard?"

"Yes, if put that way. She did." the Cardinal spoke, MacPhail's tension continuously on the rise, "MacPhail, you have always been the one who was in command of Marisa's position and you were often the one who kept track of her work," he began saying, although Hugh already knew where this was going. "May I ask of you to pay her a visit?"

"A visit? With which intent, may I ask, your Eminence?"

"To ask Mrs Coulter how she plans to proceed regarding the Church, since she worked so hard to detach herself from the scandal a decade ago... I can't seem to find a reason for her to crawl back into it."

"Belacqua."

"Pardon?"

"Excuse me your Eminence, for I was thinking aloud." 

"Well then. Could you still talk to her?"

"Yes, Cardinal."

"Good."

MacPhail took a bow before the man and walked out of the room, his lizard daemon crawling from under his cuffs. _And she said that she "did not melt" for the man_ , his daemon thought to him. He scoffed in return. He made his way down the corridor, taking a sharp right turn towards the exit, asking one of the valets by the entrance for a chaperone.

"Where to, Sir?" the young man asked.

"North bank of Thames, please."

 _Do you think she'll expect it?_ his daemon thought once more, to which his agonizing grin turned into a sly smirk.

 _I doubt it_ , he thought back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not posting this fic in ages! I have been really busy lately and I just realised that I haven't updated it since July so... here's a short chapter until I get the motivation to write more:)  
> Also, sorry for any errors, I scanned through it and posted it.


End file.
